My Family... Part 5

Others…

I haven’t been blessed with as many cousins as everyone seems to have (my mother was an only child.) Perhaps this is a blessing, as some of my relatives are definitely… odd is the kindest term I can use.

One of my favourite cousins, is unfortunately also one of the odd ones. He was pretty normal, a little violent perhaps (ask my sister, they were eternal enemies before I was born), but pretty normal nonetheless. Then one day, the fellow decides to become a vegetarian. We were all understandably confused, everyone in my family is a vegetarian after all, I sometimes eat an egg, but I’m the anomaly. On further enquiries as to his new-found intentions, we found that he had decided to go the whole hog (Unintentional pun!). He had decided to stop eating

a) Omelettes

b) Cakes (they contain egg)

c) Ice-creams (he had read somewhere that they use some part of a buffalo as a gelling agent)

At this, I politely enquired as to whether he was going to stop drinking milk as well, lest he deny some poor calf it’s rightful meal. At the earnest request of his mother, he conceded that he would, in fact, drink milk. My comments about his fondness for coffee were not appreciated…

My cousin also turned religious overnight. He frowns upon any Western influence in any of our lives. He visits a temple everyday, and goes to classes to learn the Vedic scriptures. It is the earnest wish of many of my female cousins that he end up marrying a woman who wears tight, low-rise jeans (or preferably a mini-skirt), wears liberal make-up, and is preferably of a different religion, or even better, an atheist…

Another on my list of unnatural relatives is a particular aunt of mine on my mother’s side. Perhaps I should call her a second aunt, for her son and daughter are my second cousins. Or perhaps she’s my aunt twice removed or something like that? Nah, that sounds stupid. Getting back to the subject at hand however, the woman bears a startling resemblance to a town crier. Perhaps she was one in her previous incarnation, I can just imagine her beating a drum shouting ‘Hear ye! Hear ye!’

Yep, she’s one brilliant rumour monger. If there’s any story you want to spread, such that it reaches the lowest of beggars on the street to the Prime Minister (Well, that’s a but difficult, but I’m sure she’d be able to reach a Cabinet minister), all you have to do is give her a call. She doesn’t like me too much, I’m afraid, for I’m a rather closed mouth chap, and she has to try really hard to pry any information off me. In fact most of our conversations (thankfully, not too many of them happen!) are one sided ones. She asks me questions with regard to those things she deems are absolutely vital for her to know, and gets pretty mad when I give mono-syllabic replies. For some reason, the rest of my family finds this rather funny…

Well, I could go on and on… but time’s running short, I could for instance talk about the wonderful blessings my grandmother’s brother gives (he’s jealous of my sister’s and my brilliant achievements!), which generally go on the lines of “Do try and pass your exams, dear children…” and we dutifully say, “Yes, uncle…” or an uncle who’s really fond of christening people with strange names, (a toothless wrinkled up old man was unfortunate enough to be named ‘Jumping Jango’) or even an uncle whose snores rattle the glass on the window… but I can’t. Time and tide wait for no man, y’know… and I'm a little bored of the topic already!

Here’s to hoping that anyone mentioned above who happens to be reading this takes it well… Cheers!